Hi kids, do you hate armor?


Wanna see AR500 fold like Keir Starmer?


 


Got an FN with a quad that needs to part with me,


Flecktarnish rattle job to dip into the scenery.


 


Y'all chase the latest hype, its still stuck in '04,


KAC rails, A2 stock, and a forever war.


 


Low round count, barely broken in at all,


Lobbing at velocities that make your MK18 feel small.


 


Boomers be like like, "Yeah... mine had no rails but still"


Zoomers , "Bro, that's straight from Generation Kill ."


 


No M-LOK therapy, no piston debate


Just twenty inches of "you should've bought a real plate."


 


KAC furniture, FN rollmark, a special prize


The kind of rifle those clone nerds recognize with misty eyes.


 


You gotta admit, the nostalgia is thick


fire a few rounds and you feel like Lieutenant Fick.


 


Make no mistake, the economy makes you stay frosty


But you can't deny that it's really not costly 


 


From me to you, 12 and change ships


I may even be generous and throw in some aluminum clips


 


*eek*


 


Oh, my bad, I meant to say "mags"


Since your brain went on the attack like when a barista sees a gadsden flag


 


I drop deals and dabble in bars,


Not interested in trades or Palmetto clone CARs.


 


Unless of course, you're sitting on an AUG, though 


Whisper "It's NATO, baby," and I'll likely let it go.


 


But if not, its good, all fair in love and war


shipping is included, pay me and send it to your store!


 


You wanna buy it, don't lie to yourself 


Think of all the other shit you own that sits on a shelf


You pie will be wider when you go to clear a room


But we took Baghdad with it and swept up with this broom!


 


Listen, I know time's up and I'm running long


But when's the last armslist ad you saw that read like a song


Don't even think about it, reach out and talk to me


Drop a little cash and own the musket of destiny!